I have just started my semester 2 recently.
Gosh!I cannot meet my friends more frequently.
So sad!
I'm scared to have not friend with me for this sem.
I'm also scared to have the lecturers and tutors whom I don't like.
Shit!Is God testing me now?
Now,I realize that I 'm afraid to be alone.
Last time,I thought that I didn't have many friends because I don't have facebook account.
Whatever.That's not the main reason.It's not so important to own or not own.
I think it's mainly because of my attitude.
I don't like to talk so much to those I am not really familiar.
I also don't like to mix with those who are assumed to be arrogant.
I will not never force myself to mix with those whom I never like.
Do I have to pretend so hard to mix with those idiots just because I don't have friends?
Sometimes,I strongly think that I am close to my housemate and friend,Yogest because we have the "jodoh".
Try to imagine that two persons from different parts of the Earth and have different religions
but can stay in the same house and chat so much everyday.
This is called "jodoh".
Most of the time,I make friend based on it.
Perhaps there is no a great magnetic force that connect me to others.
That's why I don't have many friends.
I will appreciate my friends and avoid from joining those with bad attitude no matter how it is.
One of my friend told me that there is not LRT that can reach UCSI from Bandar Sunway.
Oh my fucking God!
Swee Yeng also told me that it's hard to adapt to KL life.
Now,I really don't know what to do.
I walked back home these few days as there was not UTAR bus service for certain periods.
I went to buy the bus tickets and the officer told me that she didn't have enough change.
What?It is the Division of Finance and the lady told me such thing.
Last time,UTAR also barred me from having exam due to the stupid timetable and stupid officers.
Haiz.Should I transfer?
Now,I only hope that I will have new friends soon and meet nice lecturers and tutors.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Walking in the rain
Yesterday,I walked back home after the class.
It was not the first time I walked back home.
Unfortunately,it was raining heavily after the economics class.
(Actually,it was raining for a short while.)
Before that,I did not cycle to UTAR but had planned to take a bus.
However,I saw many people waiting for the bus and I decided to walk back home again.
Luckily,Joie and Jey Ming insisted to walk together with me
although they actually cycled to UTAR.
Joie insisted to fetch me with her bicycle
but in vain as we kept on dropping out our things.
We asked Jey Ming to cycle back first
but he didn't want and walked together with us.
It was raining cat and dog although it was only a while.
Nevertheless,it made us so embarrasing
as the umbrella was blown to a weird shape and
a series of small incidents happened.
(I think you all can imagine it.)
It was also a funny scene that another Indian girl
who was listening to music while walking alone,
walked with a cool 'style' as if she didn't care when the rain stopped.
Walao A!!!
There were just a few rain stains on her shirt while
three of us were all rain-drenched.*-*
After that,Jey Ming concluded that that girl is thin
so her surface area to get the rain was smaller
and her probability to be rain-drenched was smaller.
I think he had studied Maths so hard until
he used the terms in daily communication.
I never thought that Joie and Jey Ming would accompany
me to walk back home especially during such bad weather.
Before that,I had walked together with my housemate,Yogest.
It was totally a different experience in UTAR.
We were so happy though it was raining heavily.
I appreciate to have them to become my friends.
I will never forget this special experience.
I hope we can fix the same timetable together for the next semester.
I really wish that our friendship can be forever.
xoxo.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Freestyle
by korean group,4 minute "Freestyle" Please focus on the lyrics.
I think the lyrics really describe my feeling rightnow.
I am busy and stressful these few days.
I can't mix with others-my second weakness in my life.
HAIZ!
I don't want to care so much now.
I just want freestyle.
Just do what I what.
I do want to care how the other stupid guys
think about me because you all are not important to me.
Be honest and follow my own heart.
I want to love myself and
I wanna be myself.
Don't be easily affected by the others.
It is the hardest challenge in my life.
Just wanna tell myself that I will be better soon.
I love myself.
xoxo.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Hey,guys! I was born this way...
I have not updated my blog for a month already.
So leceh to do all sorts of stupid assignments!!!
I will have 2 presentations and radioplay next week.
I hope I can handle my nervousness during that time.
It is my greatest weakness in my life.
I hope I can do well in all of these.
So stressful to be here...
I still can handle in my studies
but I can't communicate with others.
I am totally alienated.
I try to mix with the others but I can't
as if we all come from different worlds.
I know I'm ugly and not humorous.
Does this mean that I don't deserve to have friends?
Many asked for my facebook account.
Do I need to own one so that any of you can become my friends?
I'm lazy to chat with others and don't like to play games.
I don't want to do somethings that others like to do.
I don't want to become a photostat-machine.
Nobody here can understand me!
It is like I have to adapt to their lives so that I can mix with them.
GOSH!
I don't want to do that.
I will not force others to love me
as I have the same rights to not to love you.
Similarly,don't force me to do something I dislike.
Like what Lady Gaga said,"I was born this way."
I want freedom and this is the way I was born.
(Walau aaa!So cool I am!)
So leceh to do all sorts of stupid assignments!!!
I will have 2 presentations and radioplay next week.
I hope I can handle my nervousness during that time.
It is my greatest weakness in my life.
I hope I can do well in all of these.
So stressful to be here...
I still can handle in my studies
but I can't communicate with others.
I am totally alienated.
I try to mix with the others but I can't
as if we all come from different worlds.
I know I'm ugly and not humorous.
Does this mean that I don't deserve to have friends?
Many asked for my facebook account.
Do I need to own one so that any of you can become my friends?
I'm lazy to chat with others and don't like to play games.
I don't want to do somethings that others like to do.
I don't want to become a photostat-machine.
Nobody here can understand me!
It is like I have to adapt to their lives so that I can mix with them.
GOSH!
I don't want to do that.
I will not force others to love me
as I have the same rights to not to love you.
Similarly,don't force me to do something I dislike.
Like what Lady Gaga said,"I was born this way."
I want freedom and this is the way I was born.
(Walau aaa!So cool I am!)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Lossssssy Guy---What A Racism!!!
I was extremely frustrated because of an arrogant malay man yesterday.
My aunt drove the car to go to visit the dentist
while my grandpa,my youngest sis and I were following,too.
My aunt found a parking space and tried to park the car.
Suddenly,a malay drove a car from the back and
moved in front to grab our parking space.
I gave him a signal to stop him from moving
and crashing into our car.
My grandpa was very angry and was mumbling.
(I think most people will give this respond as that malay
drove in that way.We can't blame my grandpa.)
After parking our car and shutting down our car engine,
that malay suddenly came out from his car and opened our car door
to scold my grandpa.
He acted so rude like he wanted to hit my grandpa.
He shouted that we all are "Babi"!
What the fuck!
If we were pigs,what was he?
He must be a big booger that can make an Amoeba to die!!!
It's totally unfair.
I admitted that I was a bit racist but
I felt angry not because of he is a Malay.
It's because he bullied us as we are Chinese.
I wonder that whether we will be abased by that malay
if we are Malays or Indians.
I don't think that we did any wrong in this matter,did we?
A law-abiting driver will not simply affront another driver
because of his own fault.
Hey,our dearest Malay kawan!
Don't tell me that our Malaysia government
doesn't sponsor you money for your education.
In fact,our government sponsors a lot of JPA scholarships
to those malays who don't perform well in their studies.
Please don't tell me that you are so haughty as you are not educated
and your Al-Qurah doesn't teach to be sensible and polite.
Malaysia Boleh as our country manage
to nurture so many irresponsible,arrogant "sakai"!
Another Case:
(http://dpriest.blogspot.com/2011/06/blog-post.html)
My friend who studies in a Malay school,
can't get her appeal form for transferation after waiting for many days.
The malay officers kept on giving a lot of excuses
when she wanted to get the form from them.
The malay teachers always scold the Chinese students who
came from Chinese school, as KURANG AJAR!
I regret that I didn't use my phone to take down the video
when that terrible malay scolded my grandpa
so that I can post it here.
Perhaps it's useless to do so or make any complaints as all the governmental societies
that claim to help the needies,are made up of Malays.
I still remember that the main actor in a Hong Kong drama said that
laws is the game of the rich man.
Is laws able to protect the Chinese who come from the lower class from racial discrimination ?
2020 is coming.
However,racial inequility is still serious in Malaysia.
Racial engineering is important to avoid this.
Our Malay kawan,please don't exploit other races' rights
and be rational and sensible.
You should not simply despise the other races
as you Malays are powerful in this country.
Please do remember that we all share the same mother earth!
My aunt drove the car to go to visit the dentist
while my grandpa,my youngest sis and I were following,too.
My aunt found a parking space and tried to park the car.
Suddenly,a malay drove a car from the back and
moved in front to grab our parking space.
I gave him a signal to stop him from moving
and crashing into our car.
My grandpa was very angry and was mumbling.
(I think most people will give this respond as that malay
drove in that way.We can't blame my grandpa.)
After parking our car and shutting down our car engine,
that malay suddenly came out from his car and opened our car door
to scold my grandpa.
He acted so rude like he wanted to hit my grandpa.
He shouted that we all are "Babi"!
What the fuck!
If we were pigs,what was he?
He must be a big booger that can make an Amoeba to die!!!
It's totally unfair.
I admitted that I was a bit racist but
I felt angry not because of he is a Malay.
It's because he bullied us as we are Chinese.
I wonder that whether we will be abased by that malay
if we are Malays or Indians.
I don't think that we did any wrong in this matter,did we?
A law-abiting driver will not simply affront another driver
because of his own fault.
Hey,our dearest Malay kawan!
Don't tell me that our Malaysia government
doesn't sponsor you money for your education.
In fact,our government sponsors a lot of JPA scholarships
to those malays who don't perform well in their studies.
Please don't tell me that you are so haughty as you are not educated
and your Al-Qurah doesn't teach to be sensible and polite.
Malaysia Boleh as our country manage
to nurture so many irresponsible,arrogant "sakai"!
Another Case:
(http://dpriest.blogspot.com/2011/06/blog-post.html)
My friend who studies in a Malay school,
can't get her appeal form for transferation after waiting for many days.
The malay officers kept on giving a lot of excuses
when she wanted to get the form from them.
The malay teachers always scold the Chinese students who
came from Chinese school, as KURANG AJAR!
I regret that I didn't use my phone to take down the video
when that terrible malay scolded my grandpa
so that I can post it here.
Perhaps it's useless to do so or make any complaints as all the governmental societies
that claim to help the needies,are made up of Malays.
I still remember that the main actor in a Hong Kong drama said that
laws is the game of the rich man.
Is laws able to protect the Chinese who come from the lower class from racial discrimination ?
2020 is coming.
However,racial inequility is still serious in Malaysia.
Racial engineering is important to avoid this.
Our Malay kawan,please don't exploit other races' rights
and be rational and sensible.
You should not simply despise the other races
as you Malays are powerful in this country.
Please do remember that we all share the same mother earth!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Goodbye,Daddy!
To my dearest dad,
I know you are sad to leave here.
It is the same feeling for me.
My tears are rolling down my cheeks
when I realise that you won't come to Kampar anymore
to fetch me home.
I try to convince myself that
I should adapt to it since I was young.
I know this is not what you really want.
However,I still can't accept it as a truth or even a habit.
I still remember that I blame you for working abroad
and leave us here.
Dad,I never meant to hurt you.
Sorry about that.
I hate people say that children who are brought up
by their grandparents are not good.
Don't worry,Dad!I won't become like what they said.
All these stupid commends
will force me to do better in order
to prove them that they are wrong.
I promise that I will try my best to adapt to
life in UTAR and Kampar
although I dislike to stay here.
It may be boring and hard to be here but not totally bitter.
I will work hard to go ahead to fulfill my dream.
I promise that I will take good care of all of them.
I will also try my best to learn driving.
Dad,I know it may be hard when you are not around
but I will try my best for everything in life.
Goodbye,daddy!
We will always miss you...
I know you are sad to leave here.
It is the same feeling for me.
My tears are rolling down my cheeks
when I realise that you won't come to Kampar anymore
to fetch me home.
I try to convince myself that
I should adapt to it since I was young.
I know this is not what you really want.
However,I still can't accept it as a truth or even a habit.
I still remember that I blame you for working abroad
and leave us here.
Dad,I never meant to hurt you.
Sorry about that.
I hate people say that children who are brought up
by their grandparents are not good.
Don't worry,Dad!I won't become like what they said.
All these stupid commends
will force me to do better in order
to prove them that they are wrong.
I promise that I will try my best to adapt to
life in UTAR and Kampar
although I dislike to stay here.
It may be boring and hard to be here but not totally bitter.
I will work hard to go ahead to fulfill my dream.
I promise that I will take good care of all of them.
I will also try my best to learn driving.
Dad,I know it may be hard when you are not around
but I will try my best for everything in life.
Goodbye,daddy!
We will always miss you...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
UTAR Kampar Life
It is extremely boring to stay and study here.
Everyday,I spend my time to surf the internet.
Nobody talks to me.
Sometimes,I don't ever meet my housemates
in the house.
Those friends whom I know,study different courses
or different streams.
I don't have friends to study the same group.
I try my best to meet some new friends in UTAR
but in vain.
Do they think I am too cool?
Yup.I am a bit cool but totally shy.
I need some time to be familiar
with the university and to be "hot".
It's so tired to cycle to the university.
It's too far from the Danish House.
Sometimes,I try to find a few reasons
to convince myself to take a bus.
If I am rich,I will definitely take a bus everyday.
(In case,I won't study in UTAR but to study abroad.)
Almost every night,I go outside with my friends for dinner.
The food is really expensive
but there are still many people who are willing to pay.
Everyone is lazy to cook.
I would say the lecturers and tutors here are okk.
Some can't speak fluently in English.
My sociology lecturer has a special voice.
When she talks,it sounds like a doll.
Do you guys know what I mean?
By the way,my Basic English lecturer can
speak like a native speaker.
I still can't speak fluently in English.
When can I be proficient in English like him?
I dread in phonetics.
Before that,I thought I am good in English and it would
be interesitng to study Basic English but it's totally a slip-up.
Most of the lecturers are not professional in teaching.
I am bored to study in UTAR.
Sometimes,I wonder whether I had made a right choice
to study in English Language.
When I saw my sis's blog,I realised that I had forgotten
both our dream.
I should study in Science or Bussiness
in order to fulfill that dream
but it needs RM200 for course transfer
and it doesn't guarantee that I manage to do so.
Regret!!!
Perhaps I can become a Vogue magazine editor
if I continue to study in English Language.
This's the only way that I can persuade myself.
When can I get the cheque from KYY Scholarship?
The others had got theirs.Those Malay officers are really lousy.
I have rejected the UTAR Scholarship
in order to own this scholarship.
I am worried that I will miss both.
My papa can afford to pay the fee
but it is unfair if we pay ourselves.
Am I going to pay the amount like
those who fail in SPM ?
What's the purpose to study hard and score full As?
What's use I study here?
If I can't get the KYY Scholarship,
then UTAR should give me its own scholarship.
At least it's fair if it does that way.
If I can't get both,I will pay myself for foundation
and continue my degree in UCSI.
It will be a good reason for me to transfer to other colleges.
I really hope everything is easy to handle.
Everyday,I spend my time to surf the internet.
Nobody talks to me.
Sometimes,I don't ever meet my housemates
in the house.
Those friends whom I know,study different courses
or different streams.
I don't have friends to study the same group.
I try my best to meet some new friends in UTAR
but in vain.
Do they think I am too cool?
Yup.I am a bit cool but totally shy.
I need some time to be familiar
with the university and to be "hot".
It's so tired to cycle to the university.
It's too far from the Danish House.
Sometimes,I try to find a few reasons
to convince myself to take a bus.
If I am rich,I will definitely take a bus everyday.
(In case,I won't study in UTAR but to study abroad.)
Almost every night,I go outside with my friends for dinner.
The food is really expensive
but there are still many people who are willing to pay.
Everyone is lazy to cook.
I would say the lecturers and tutors here are okk.
Some can't speak fluently in English.
My sociology lecturer has a special voice.
When she talks,it sounds like a doll.
Do you guys know what I mean?
By the way,my Basic English lecturer can
speak like a native speaker.
I still can't speak fluently in English.
When can I be proficient in English like him?
I dread in phonetics.
Before that,I thought I am good in English and it would
be interesitng to study Basic English but it's totally a slip-up.
Most of the lecturers are not professional in teaching.
I am bored to study in UTAR.
Sometimes,I wonder whether I had made a right choice
to study in English Language.
When I saw my sis's blog,I realised that I had forgotten
both our dream.
I should study in Science or Bussiness
in order to fulfill that dream
but it needs RM200 for course transfer
and it doesn't guarantee that I manage to do so.
Regret!!!
Perhaps I can become a Vogue magazine editor
if I continue to study in English Language.
This's the only way that I can persuade myself.
When can I get the cheque from KYY Scholarship?
The others had got theirs.Those Malay officers are really lousy.
I have rejected the UTAR Scholarship
in order to own this scholarship.
I am worried that I will miss both.
My papa can afford to pay the fee
but it is unfair if we pay ourselves.
Am I going to pay the amount like
those who fail in SPM ?
What's the purpose to study hard and score full As?
What's use I study here?
If I can't get the KYY Scholarship,
then UTAR should give me its own scholarship.
At least it's fair if it does that way.
If I can't get both,I will pay myself for foundation
and continue my degree in UCSI.
It will be a good reason for me to transfer to other colleges.
I really hope everything is easy to handle.
Friday, May 27, 2011
I promise I will fly
I wish you guys will love it.
Its lyrics is so nice that I think
it will bring hope and cheer to many of us.
I finally decide to study the Foundation in Arts in UTAR Kampar Campus.
Perhaps it may not be a wise decision in many people's opinion.
I'm afraid that I have made a stupid decision.
Someone said I should study science subjects in Form 6
but I am only interested in Chemistry and I don't
think I can work systematically in a science lab.
Someone said I should study Bussiness or Marketing
and work in private sector.
Someone said I should become a school teacher.
Someone said I should not go to UTAR.
So confusing...
Is there any U-turn for me?
Never mind.
If UTAR is really bad in teaching and facilities,
I still can study English Language or
Mass Communication in UCSI
after completing my foundation in UTAR.
I must be homesick if I am so far away from home.
I still can visit my family members if I study in UTAR.
It is an opportunity for me
to learn independence and make new friends.
It can lead me to adapt to new environment
if I have to leave my hometown for my job.
Perhaps I should persuade myself that it is
not too bad to study there.
It is time for me to fly.
Actually,I want to become a fashion journalist.
Shheehh...Don't tell anyone.
It's my secret.
If I really can't make my dream comes true,
I can become a magazine editor or
a tuition teacher.
Do you think it is a good idea?
I hope I will have the courage to
pursue my dream.
It was so shocking that I found
out my former tuition teacher's younger son
was attacked by a terminal blood cancer last week.
I wish he can get well soon.Fighting~
Life is so barbarous and it will
end up easily without leaving any spots.
Nobody knows his own lifespan.
I don't care when I will die as
life is not measured by the number of breath.
I will care what I have not done during my lifetime.
Am I regretful if I haven't fulfill my dream before my death?
Is there anything that I want to tell to my lovely
family members and friends before my death?
I promise I will work hard to pursue my dream before my death.
I promise I will fly to Maldives,Copenhagen and Santorini oneday.
I promise I will FLY higher and HIGHER althought it is not easy...
Monday, May 2, 2011
T-junction
I'm at T-junction now.
I completely don't have any idea for
where I want to study.
Utar provides English degree
and I can get full scholarship for foundation.
It's the cheapest and fastest way if I study in utar
but many said graduates from utar can't
get a job that they want.
Before that,I plan to study in Form 6
and continue my degree in Singapore.
I want to change to Arts Stream
but I don't have any basic in Accountancy
and Business.
I'm lazy to go for tuition and tired to study so hard.
What a boring school life!
I'm afraid I can't get good result in STPM
and cannot enrol in both local public or private universities.
I'm scared I will watse the time and money.
Yesterday,my mum told me that Singapore doesn't
accept Form 6 Arts students.Fuck!!!
Should I study foundation in Arts if I want
to study English degree?
UCSI provides the course I want
but I don't know whether its foundation
is accredited by MQA.
Maybe I should study in Form 6
and continue my degree in UCSI.
Aihh,need to spend money again!
I don't really want to give any burdens to my dad.
I hope he can stay here and doesn't go back to Germany again.
Utar?Form 6?
Which one I should choose?
Can't life be as easy as ABC?
Can anyone help me?
I hope I can make my decision as soon as possible
without regretting.
I don't want to spoil my life.
I need hope,bravery and luck.
I completely don't have any idea for
where I want to study.
Utar provides English degree
and I can get full scholarship for foundation.
It's the cheapest and fastest way if I study in utar
but many said graduates from utar can't
get a job that they want.
Before that,I plan to study in Form 6
and continue my degree in Singapore.
I want to change to Arts Stream
but I don't have any basic in Accountancy
and Business.
I'm lazy to go for tuition and tired to study so hard.
What a boring school life!
I'm afraid I can't get good result in STPM
and cannot enrol in both local public or private universities.
I'm scared I will watse the time and money.
Yesterday,my mum told me that Singapore doesn't
accept Form 6 Arts students.Fuck!!!
Should I study foundation in Arts if I want
to study English degree?
UCSI provides the course I want
but I don't know whether its foundation
is accredited by MQA.
Maybe I should study in Form 6
and continue my degree in UCSI.
Aihh,need to spend money again!
I don't really want to give any burdens to my dad.
I hope he can stay here and doesn't go back to Germany again.
Utar?Form 6?
Which one I should choose?
Can't life be as easy as ABC?
Can anyone help me?
I hope I can make my decision as soon as possible
without regretting.
I don't want to spoil my life.
I need hope,bravery and luck.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Special freinds ^_^
Yesterday,I went to Jusco
with Swee Yeng and Katie
but we had lost contact until I met them
in the tuition centre.
I was one of the customer of Khei's mother
(she's a hair stylist) and we also met each other
in that tuition centre.
We live in the same area but studied in different schools
and we are good friends until now.
Sometimes,I felt relaxing when I talked to them
if I compared them with my friends from school.
There was no rat race among us
and there were endless topics for our conversation.
I like them very much.
Their characters are "cute".
We learn,laugh
and...even scream together.
Yesterday,we went to Jusco.
(Why do I mention again?)
We watched "Red Riding Hood".
It was really interesting
and it was shocking when we found out
the actual villain was not the one we thought.
It was worth to watch it.
Highly recommend ...
We also ate sushi inside the cinema.
Shh!This was our secret.
After that,we went for window shopping
and had our lunch in Pizza Hut.
It was quite a good day.
Before that,I was unhappy and confusing
when I considered where to study.
However,I was happy with this outing.
It's not easy to meet good friends nowadays.
Everyone is selfish and unfaithful.
I appreciate our friendship.
Friendship forever^_^
xoxo
Haha...
with my friends from tuition.
They were Swee Yeng,Ah Khei and Katie.
I studied in the same kindergartenwith Swee Yeng and Katie
but we had lost contact until I met them
in the tuition centre.
I was one of the customer of Khei's mother
(she's a hair stylist) and we also met each other
in that tuition centre.
We live in the same area but studied in different schools
and we are good friends until now.
Sometimes,I felt relaxing when I talked to them
if I compared them with my friends from school.
There was no rat race among us
and there were endless topics for our conversation.
I like them very much.
Their characters are "cute".
We learn,laugh
and...even scream together.
Yesterday,we went to Jusco.
(Why do I mention again?)
We watched "Red Riding Hood".
It was really interesting
and it was shocking when we found out
the actual villain was not the one we thought.
It was worth to watch it.
Highly recommend ...
We also ate sushi inside the cinema.
Shh!This was our secret.
After that,we went for window shopping
and had our lunch in Pizza Hut.
It was quite a good day.
Before that,I was unhappy and confusing
when I considered where to study.
However,I was happy with this outing.
It's not easy to meet good friends nowadays.
Everyone is selfish and unfaithful.
I appreciate our friendship.
Friendship forever^_^
xoxo
Haha...
Friday, April 15, 2011
JPA interview
Yesterday,I went to Veledrom
for the JPA interview.
It was quite a special experience.
Actually,I didn't have high expectation
to get the scholarship as
I was not as multi-talented as others.
They were many candidates who
were more eligible.
I just went there to gain experience.
Before that,I could not find suitable attire
for the interview.
Some told me to wear baju kurung.
Baju kurung?
Honestly,I didn't have any Malay or Indian friends.
Luckily,Cousin Wai lent me her baju kurung
but I didn't wear it eventually
as it was too long for me.
It was also weird when I wore it.
I finally wore a shirt with long sleeves and collar
and a long pants.
It was my first time to wear a pair of high heels.
During the interview,
I was very nervous.
My group only consisted of 3 people.
(Actually,every group must consist of 5 people.)
We all are Chinese
and I am the only girl.
I wondered whether the other boys received English education
as they could speak fluent English.
One of the boy looked smart but he kept on nodding
when others were sharing their opinions
as if he really agreed with what we said.
Did he really need to act like that or did
he actually really agree with our ideas?
The panel of judges was made up of
Chinese,Malay and Indian.
Satu Malaysia~
I didn't understand what they asked
and simply answered them.
I thought they only asked about myself
but they also asked me about your opinion
for the current issue.
"Why do you think the newspaper is better
than internet though it can transfer information
faster than the newspaper?"
Alamak!
I had completely no idea about it!
I then simply told them that
the newspaper gives the correct information.
There are many rumours appeared in the internet
and there are still people who
don't have internet service at home.
I was wondering why they asked us such
difficult questions as my friends were asked
about their favourite food,durian etc.
Is it because there was no Malay in our group?
Is it because hard questions were for those canditates
who chose to study abroad?
Never mind.
I have tried my best and I don't care
whether I can get the scholarship.
I really appreciate to have this opportunity
to attend the interview.
At least,I gain some useful experiences.
I know I have to improve my thinking,
speaking skills and of course my English.
Thank for those who have helped me.
Thank all my family members,Yuan ling,
Swee Yeng,Swee Ann,Lpk,Cousin wai,aunt...
The next thing I need to do is
to decide which university or college I should enroll in.
I hope I can make a wise decision soon.
for the JPA interview.
It was quite a special experience.
Actually,I didn't have high expectation
to get the scholarship as
I was not as multi-talented as others.
They were many candidates who
were more eligible.
I just went there to gain experience.
Before that,I could not find suitable attire
for the interview.
Some told me to wear baju kurung.
Baju kurung?
Honestly,I didn't have any Malay or Indian friends.
Luckily,Cousin Wai lent me her baju kurung
but I didn't wear it eventually
as it was too long for me.
It was also weird when I wore it.
I finally wore a shirt with long sleeves and collar
and a long pants.
It was my first time to wear a pair of high heels.
During the interview,
I was very nervous.
My group only consisted of 3 people.
(Actually,every group must consist of 5 people.)
We all are Chinese
and I am the only girl.
I wondered whether the other boys received English education
as they could speak fluent English.
One of the boy looked smart but he kept on nodding
when others were sharing their opinions
as if he really agreed with what we said.
Did he really need to act like that or did
he actually really agree with our ideas?
The panel of judges was made up of
Chinese,Malay and Indian.
Satu Malaysia~
I didn't understand what they asked
and simply answered them.
I thought they only asked about myself
but they also asked me about your opinion
for the current issue.
"Why do you think the newspaper is better
than internet though it can transfer information
faster than the newspaper?"
Alamak!
I had completely no idea about it!
I then simply told them that
the newspaper gives the correct information.
There are many rumours appeared in the internet
and there are still people who
don't have internet service at home.
I was wondering why they asked us such
difficult questions as my friends were asked
about their favourite food,durian etc.
Is it because there was no Malay in our group?
Is it because hard questions were for those canditates
who chose to study abroad?
Never mind.
I have tried my best and I don't care
whether I can get the scholarship.
I really appreciate to have this opportunity
to attend the interview.
At least,I gain some useful experiences.
I know I have to improve my thinking,
speaking skills and of course my English.
Thank for those who have helped me.
Thank all my family members,Yuan ling,
Swee Yeng,Swee Ann,Lpk,Cousin wai,aunt...
The next thing I need to do is
to decide which university or college I should enroll in.
I hope I can make a wise decision soon.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Confusing...
I finally got good result in SPM.
Yup,I am happy and satisfied
but confused about my future right now.
I can get full scholarship in UTAR
but I'm afraid that the college is not good enough
like what others said--the graduates there
are less employable.
I also don't know wheather I should
go to UCSI.
Last time,I really hoped to go to Nottingham
but I found out the fee is extremely high.
Before that,I thought I really wanted to
leave home.
I get the chance now
but I hesitate for a long while.
I realize that I'll be homesick
if I am away from home.
I love my family members very much
and they love me,too.
I'll miss my grandma,grandpa,
dad,aunt and of course
my two sis though they are sometimes bossy.
I'll miss my best friend,too.
As you know,I'm hot-tempered
and I don't think I can find someone
who can listen to my grumble whole-heartedly.
My sis kept on asking me to
stay here to study in Form6
but I'm worried I can't get good result in STPM
and waste the 2yrs time.
Many say the teachers in RPS are lossy and
I don't know wheather I should transfer to
St.Michael or ACS as both are far from my house.
I denitely don't go to Sam Tet
as I want to change to Arts stream
so that I can study English or Media Studies in my future.
My sis also said I can teach tuition here
to earn some savings before I go to
the city to pursue my dream.
I know she needs my help.
Everyone is selfish and I understand it.
I just wonder whether it is worth to sacrifice myself.
Am I just useful for temporary?
I get the opportunity to attend the interview
for JPA scholarship.
I just simply picked "pelancongan" for oversea
and "sastera" for local.
I'm eligible for the oversea part
but it needs the interview.
I don't really want to choose "pelancongan"
as there are no courses that I want.
I just want the "sastera" but...
Ahh,I really don't know what I should do now!!!
Yup,I am happy and satisfied
but confused about my future right now.
I can get full scholarship in UTAR
but I'm afraid that the college is not good enough
like what others said--the graduates there
are less employable.
I also don't know wheather I should
go to UCSI.
Last time,I really hoped to go to Nottingham
but I found out the fee is extremely high.
Before that,I thought I really wanted to
leave home.
I get the chance now
but I hesitate for a long while.
I realize that I'll be homesick
if I am away from home.
I love my family members very much
and they love me,too.
I'll miss my grandma,grandpa,
dad,aunt and of course
my two sis though they are sometimes bossy.
I'll miss my best friend,too.
As you know,I'm hot-tempered
and I don't think I can find someone
who can listen to my grumble whole-heartedly.
My sis kept on asking me to
stay here to study in Form6
but I'm worried I can't get good result in STPM
and waste the 2yrs time.
Many say the teachers in RPS are lossy and
I don't know wheather I should transfer to
St.Michael or ACS as both are far from my house.
I denitely don't go to Sam Tet
as I want to change to Arts stream
so that I can study English or Media Studies in my future.
My sis also said I can teach tuition here
to earn some savings before I go to
the city to pursue my dream.
I know she needs my help.
Everyone is selfish and I understand it.
I just wonder whether it is worth to sacrifice myself.
Am I just useful for temporary?
I get the opportunity to attend the interview
for JPA scholarship.
I just simply picked "pelancongan" for oversea
and "sastera" for local.
I'm eligible for the oversea part
but it needs the interview.
I don't really want to choose "pelancongan"
as there are no courses that I want.
I just want the "sastera" but...
Ahh,I really don't know what I should do now!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Regret!!!
After 4 days,SPM results will be announced.
I'm afraid I can't get straight As.
I'm afraid I will disappoint them--
Grandma,grandpa,dad,sis,Mr Yoong
and also other relatives.
They really have high expectation towards me.
I regretted I didn't try my best in the exam.
I regretted I didn't use the correct tenses
while writing the English essay.
I regretted I slept a lot during the preparation.
I regretted I didn't attend for extra tuition
for Physics.
I regretted I didn't work hard in Malays,History,Biology...
However,it's too late for everything!
I'm afraid I can't get straight As.
I'm afraid I will disappoint them--
Grandma,grandpa,dad,sis,Mr Yoong
and also other relatives.
They really have high expectation towards me.
I regretted I didn't try my best in the exam.
I regretted I didn't use the correct tenses
while writing the English essay.
I regretted I slept a lot during the preparation.
I regretted I didn't attend for extra tuition
for Physics.
I regretted I didn't work hard in Malays,History,Biology...
However,it's too late for everything!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Gambling...
There are many people in this world prefer
to be gamblers.
I met a special "gambler" last night.
Life and future are her wager that
makes her different from other ordinary gamblers.
During her first gambling,
she staked her career
and she really destroyed it.
Did she really completely lose everything?
No,she didn't.
To your surprise,she won friendship and family support.
Now,she decides to start another trial.
It's another horrible gambling.
She tries to attain her dream.
This time,life and future will again become her wager.
It'a tiring journey to oppose others'perceptions.
I can feel how determined she is from our conservation.
I doubted that where she can get such
courage that guides her to make such decision.
Yup,she's like what her friends said---crazy but tough.
I look back my life.
I have made a terrible mistake.
I did't appreciate any opportunities
to know who I was.
I rejected to learn new thing
and to be closer with my friend.
I was afraid to know my weakness
and to be hurt by my friends.
This made me to be isolated by others.
I remained to be out-dated.
Courage is what I am lack of.
This "gambler" taught me some new things
though there were still some that I didn't believe
but I strongly believe that she will win that challenging gambling.
I must start to work hard.
I can't decide how my background is
but I still can decide how my future is.
Hard work will be my precious wager that can fulfill my dream.
Good luck,Miss "Gambler".
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Exhausted...
I love this pic so much.I got it from a blog.
I have not seen such breathtaking scenery for a long time.
It's the same world but why is the world
so small and "ugly" in my mind?
Today is a very sad day.
I have wasted the money and time
but I also didn't pass my driving test.
I don't know why I was so nervous.
It's the thing that I always can't control it.
My tears almost fell down.
My nose turned red.
It's so heart-breaking that I could not
accept it right now.
I nearly did it but in vain.
Now,I think I should believe in what my aunt said.
I can study well but useless for everything.
I can't draw well as I don't have such talent.
I can't involve in sport as I don't have such talent.
I shouldn't waste my time and money to learn driving.
Everyone knows that I don't have such talent.
I regreted for making such stupid decision.
I should realise that the world is so cruel
and I was born in this way--foolish and talentless.
I'm exhausted.
I admit that I'm afraid of challenges.
Can I just do what I like?
I just want to be comfortable and relaxing.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Where should I go?
I have tried to find some pic of road but I can't find suitable size that I want.
I was really tired and sad these few days.
My grandpa finally went home after staying in
hospital for a few days.
I was really upset when my aunt blamed my sis and me
as we didn't take good care of Grandpa.
I knew it's my fault but did anyone want him to be sick?
Why did you all never think that it's also
your faults as you work oversea and only care about your children?
Why did you all never think that you can make in living in Malaysia?
You never think that we live miserably as if we have not parents
because you're afraid that you can't earn money and lead a better life here.
You never consider how we feel.
I saw some arrogant relatives visiting my grandpa.
Their face was flushed with anger when I didn't greet them.
FUCK!
In my mind,I never know what politeness is
and I only know what a hypocrite is.
I will never act like a hypocrite like
what you did though I won't be liked by others.
I was used to it and I will just compare you
with SHIT!
It's exactly the same--terrible and lousy.
You will never get my respect forever and forever.
I finally didn't go for my driving test.
I hate to drive car.It's troublesome.
Those who teached me driving are awful and lousy.
I hate to live in Malaysia.
Why should they scold when I didn't understand Malay?
Why should we,Malaysian Chinese learn their language?
Why don't they also learn our language?
That man who tested me in QTI is insane.
God is also mad .God likes to tease me.
I have expected I can't drive well
but why didn't my effort pay off when I worked hard
in aspect that I was apt to whereas others can own success easily?
I really want to leave here
and start a new life.
FREEDOM!That's what I long for
but where should I go?
I should get my driving license quickly.
I must earn more money before I leave here.
I must go to somewhere that I can find peace,freedom and dream
but where should I go?
I was really tired and sad these few days.
My grandpa finally went home after staying in
hospital for a few days.
I was really upset when my aunt blamed my sis and me
as we didn't take good care of Grandpa.
I knew it's my fault but did anyone want him to be sick?
Why did you all never think that it's also
your faults as you work oversea and only care about your children?
Why did you all never think that you can make in living in Malaysia?
You never think that we live miserably as if we have not parents
because you're afraid that you can't earn money and lead a better life here.
You never consider how we feel.
I saw some arrogant relatives visiting my grandpa.
Their face was flushed with anger when I didn't greet them.
FUCK!
In my mind,I never know what politeness is
and I only know what a hypocrite is.
I will never act like a hypocrite like
what you did though I won't be liked by others.
I was used to it and I will just compare you
with SHIT!
It's exactly the same--terrible and lousy.
You will never get my respect forever and forever.
I finally didn't go for my driving test.
I hate to drive car.It's troublesome.
Those who teached me driving are awful and lousy.
I hate to live in Malaysia.
Why should they scold when I didn't understand Malay?
Why should we,Malaysian Chinese learn their language?
Why don't they also learn our language?
That man who tested me in QTI is insane.
God is also mad .God likes to tease me.
I have expected I can't drive well
but why didn't my effort pay off when I worked hard
in aspect that I was apt to whereas others can own success easily?
I really want to leave here
and start a new life.
FREEDOM!That's what I long for
but where should I go?
I should get my driving license quickly.
I must earn more money before I leave here.
I must go to somewhere that I can find peace,freedom and dream
but where should I go?
Monday, January 31, 2011
ESCAPE...
Ya,I know I am a bit out-dated.I should watch it in 2010.
Actually,I wanted to watch it when I saw the synopsis from newspaper.
Again,it's due to study.It's quite disappointing and boring aft the 1st 4 episodes.
I am shocked that the main character,Eun Jo is like me,
a typically teenage misanthrope.
Our characters are almost the same,
except that my mum doesn't married many times
but my mum is also money-minded.
I am like Eun Jo as I want to ESCAPE from this house.
Really!!!
I still remember that my mum told me to get money
from her father-in-law(my grandpa)when I asked her to
pay for my tuition fee and that was the time I realised that
money is so pivotal for both of us.
I still remember that my rich,but wicked relatives
teased my family and me in a dinner and that was the time I realised that
being wealth and looking beautiful are extremely important.
I hate these!
Why do I need to "act" nicely to them everytime?
Why do I need to pretend that I don't care what they said about me?
FUCK!!!
I am so angry when I knew that my cousin
is influenced bad friends and becomes rebellious.
I won't be upset if that person is not you.
I only care my family member.
I only care those whose parents leave them and
work oversea like what my parents do.
Ya,I really want to be rebellious like what you do.
I really don't like to study and want to burn the books.
I hate the stupid teacher and want to scold her
but I don't do them finally.Why?
I don't scold the teacher as I don't want my grandma to be sad.
I study hard as I want to prove that I can be as good as other children
though I am brought up by my granparents.
However,I finally realise that what I do is in vain.
It's totally a failure
because of what u guys do.
You make other ppl think that we are problem-makers in the society.
It's been 17 years
that I live without my parents though my dad loves me very much.
I don't have the right to compete with my two sisters
to struggle for parental love.
During my childhood,
I found out that marriage is a thing that
can either "decorate" or "spoil" your life.
It's not exactly crucial in life.
I don't need it to enrich my life.
Furthermore,I don't think that I will meet a good guy
like Eun Jo meets Ki Hoon.
Yesterday,I met my former tuition teacher .
I really thank him though he is fierce.
He is the person to show me that my effort will be paid off.
I will remember that that was the moment that
I really worked for what I want and it worked~
However,I am tired already.I really want to give up.
I just want to escape from this house
and learn to be independent and even strong.
I want to go to other places
and make my mind wider.
I don't want to be a good person as kindness will never be appreciated.
I want to be a villain.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Gift
Those who have watched "我们结婚了" will definitely love Adam Couple.
Althought Jokwon(from 2am) and Gain(from Brown Eyed Girl) are not really
handsome and pretty,they are extremely hilarious and nice.
I love them so much.They really match each other.
I was moved by them.
The song"Gift" was touching.
I saw my sis crying when we watched this together.
Sometimes,we can easily be moved by characters in drama
thought we do not really know them.
What's about our family members that love us so much?!
Yesterday,I watched a TV show and the mc said that children are gifts from God.
Yaya.They are precious than anything in this world.
Most of my family members treat me as if they treat their most precious treasure.
However,I don't think that I am their "gift" but a heavy luggage.
I bring a lot of troubles to them.
I hate driving and was badly scolded by the men
but my family members especially my aunt wants me to pass the test.
I don't know what I should do.
It's IMPOSSIBLE to pass it.That probability is almost zero.
Plz don't treat me so well.
It's not worth to do so.
I will feel sorry if you guys treat me so well.
Instead of being your lovely gifts,
you all are actually my most pecious GIFTS
I love you guys forever...
Althought Jokwon(from 2am) and Gain(from Brown Eyed Girl) are not really
handsome and pretty,they are extremely hilarious and nice.
I love them so much.They really match each other.
I was moved by them.
The song"Gift" was touching.
I saw my sis crying when we watched this together.
Sometimes,we can easily be moved by characters in drama
thought we do not really know them.
What's about our family members that love us so much?!
Yesterday,I watched a TV show and the mc said that children are gifts from God.
Yaya.They are precious than anything in this world.
Most of my family members treat me as if they treat their most precious treasure.
However,I don't think that I am their "gift" but a heavy luggage.
I bring a lot of troubles to them.
I hate driving and was badly scolded by the men
but my family members especially my aunt wants me to pass the test.
I don't know what I should do.
It's IMPOSSIBLE to pass it.That probability is almost zero.
Plz don't treat me so well.
It's not worth to do so.
I will feel sorry if you guys treat me so well.
Instead of being your lovely gifts,
you all are actually my most pecious GIFTS
I love you guys forever...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Reborn...
Nobody wants to know me.Nobody wants to care me.
It's a bit boring and sad to go through these days.I would not say it's hard as there are many people who live harder than me.Yeah,I shouldn't grumble about it.Maybe living alone is a better lifestyle for me.
Oh,yes!I almost forget to introduce myself.I'm a newbie for blogspot but I had been blogging using wretch which is usually used by Taiwaneses.I had stopped using it as I was having problem with the Chinese Star XP System.So,I try to use blogspot now as I can put pic easily thought I seldom take photos.
I doesn't have an attractive appearance as u can see in my photos.Sometimes,I am sad about it but it is useless to do so.Life must go on.Furthermore,it is weird if I look beautiful as it will not match with my wicked character.It must be special meaning or mission why God gives an ugly appearance,a sluggish brain and a 'special' family background(my parents work outstation and I am brought up by my grandparents).Isn't God want me to begin cosmetic and skincare business to help those who have the same faith like me?Isn't God want me to gain success to prove to my mum that her ugly daughter can find a job thought I look simple?Pls forgive me for lying to myself.It's a way that I comfort myself but I strongly believe that I can achieve my goals oneday.I will show those who intentionly tease me that they are actually uglier than me.
I have been wasting my time in these days.I should change my attitude and reborn.I should restart my journey.These are my wishes for 2011:
1)Getting 10As in SPM
Achievable:50%(I didn't work really hard this time.I was shocked while having Mathematics test.It's
unexpectedly difficult and it's a shame if I can't get A+ for it.I think I had used wrong tenses for my English essay.It was a stupid decision to choose that question.I was almost fainted as I was writing nonsense for Malay novel part and I simply did my Physics.)
2)Getting my driving license
Achievable:40%(I still don't know the skills about parking and others.Moreover,the man who teaches me driving is not really good and reliable.It's still need some time to do it and may waste a lot of money.)
3)Being cared by others
Achievable:20%(Sometimes,I really think that I'm transparent like air.It's the most heartbroken memory in 2010 when I was 'abandoned' by my friends during the graduation ceremony as I didn't wear gorgeous gown like what they weared.They just left me alone and went around to take photos with the others.I admit that I didn't spend much time with them but I often lent my homeworks and helped them whole-heartedly.Now,I realise that I am nothing to them.I don't expect that I can become popular among my friends but at least don't isolate me thought I am tought.)
4)Losing my weight
Achievable:0%(I dOoon't think I can do it as I am lazy to do exercise and I eat a lot everyday.)
Lastly,I hope I can learn to be more independent and all my family members are in the pink of health as they are important than whatever.
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