Goodbye,Daddy!

To my dearest dad,

I know you are sad to leave here.
It is the same feeling for me.
My tears are rolling down my cheeks
when I realise that you won't come to Kampar anymore
to fetch me home.
I try to convince myself that
I should adapt to it since I was young.
I know this is not what you really want.
However,I still can't accept it as a truth or even a habit.
I still remember that I blame you for working abroad
and leave us here.
Dad,I never meant to hurt you.
Sorry about that.

I hate people say that children who are brought up
by their grandparents are not good.
Don't worry,Dad!I won't become like what they said.
All these stupid commends
will force me to do better in order
to prove them that they are wrong.

I promise that I will try my best to adapt to
life in UTAR and Kampar
although I dislike to stay here.
It may be boring and hard to be here but not totally bitter.
I will work hard to go ahead to fulfill my dream.
I promise that I will take good care of all of them.
I will also try my best to learn driving.

Dad,I know it may be hard when you are not around
but I will try my best for everything in life.
Goodbye,daddy!
We will always miss you...

UTAR Kampar Life

It is extremely boring to stay and study here.
Everyday,I spend my time to surf the internet.
Nobody talks to me.
Sometimes,I don't ever meet my housemates
in the house.
Those friends whom I know,study different courses
or different streams.
I don't have friends to study the same group.
I try my best to meet some new friends in UTAR
but in vain.
Do they think I am too cool?
Yup.I am a bit cool but totally shy.
I need some time to be familiar
with the university and to be "hot".

It's so tired to cycle to the university.
It's too far from the Danish House.
Sometimes,I try to find a few reasons
to convince myself to take a bus.
If I am rich,I will definitely take a bus everyday.
(In case,I won't study in UTAR but to study abroad.)
Almost every night,I go outside with my friends for dinner.
The food is really expensive
but there are still many people who are willing to pay.
Everyone is lazy to cook.

I would say the lecturers and tutors here are okk.
Some can't speak fluently in English.
My sociology lecturer has a special voice.
When she talks,it sounds like a doll.
Do you guys know what I mean?
By the way,my Basic English lecturer can
speak like a native speaker.
I still can't speak fluently in English.
When can I be proficient in English like him?
I dread in phonetics.
Before that,I thought I am good in English and it would
be interesitng to study Basic English but it's totally a slip-up.
Most of the lecturers are not professional in teaching.
I am bored to study in UTAR.
Sometimes,I wonder whether I had made a right choice
to study in English Language.
When I saw my sis's blog,I realised that I had forgotten
both our dream.
I should study in Science or Bussiness
in order to fulfill that dream
but it needs RM200 for course transfer
and it doesn't guarantee that I manage to do so.
Regret!!!
Perhaps I can become a Vogue magazine editor
if I continue to study in English Language.
This's the only way that I can persuade myself.

When can I get the cheque from KYY Scholarship?
The others had got theirs.Those Malay officers are really lousy.
I have rejected the UTAR Scholarship
in order to own this scholarship.
I am worried that I will miss both.
My papa can afford to pay the fee
but it is unfair if we pay ourselves.
Am I going to pay the amount like
those who fail in SPM ?
What's the purpose to study hard and score full As?
What's use I study here?
If I can't get the KYY Scholarship,
then UTAR should give me its own scholarship.
At least it's fair if it does that way.
If I can't get both,I will pay myself for foundation
and continue my degree in UCSI.
It will be a good reason for me to transfer to other colleges.

I really hope everything is easy to handle.

I promise I will fly

This song "Fly" is sung by Super Junior-KRY.
I wish you guys will love it.
Its lyrics is so nice that I think
it will bring hope and cheer to many of us.

I finally decide to study the Foundation in Arts in UTAR Kampar Campus.
Perhaps it may not be a wise decision in many people's opinion.
I'm afraid that I have made a stupid decision.
Someone said I should study science subjects in Form 6
but I am only interested in Chemistry and I don't
think I can work systematically in a science lab.
Someone said I should study Bussiness or Marketing
and work in private sector.
Someone said I should become a school teacher.
Someone said I should not go to UTAR.
So confusing...

Is there any U-turn for me?
Never mind.
If UTAR is really bad in teaching and facilities,
I still can study English Language or
Mass Communication in UCSI
after completing my foundation in UTAR.
I must be homesick if I am so far away from home.
I still can visit my family members if I study in UTAR.
It is an opportunity for me
to learn independence and make new friends.
It can lead me to adapt to new environment
if I have to leave my hometown for my job.
Perhaps I should persuade myself that it is
not too bad to study there.
It is time for me to fly.

Actually,I want to become a fashion journalist.
Shheehh...Don't tell anyone.
It's my secret.
If I really can't make my dream comes true,
I can become a magazine editor or
a tuition teacher.
Do you think it is a good idea?
I hope I will have the courage to
pursue my dream.

It was so shocking that I found
out my former tuition teacher's younger son
was attacked by a terminal blood cancer last week.
I wish he can get well soon.Fighting~
Life is so barbarous and it will
end up easily without leaving any spots.
Nobody knows his own lifespan.
I don't care when I will die as
life is not measured by the number of breath.
I will care what I have not done during my lifetime.
Am I regretful if I haven't fulfill my dream before my death?
Is there anything that I want to tell to my lovely
family members and friends before my death?

I promise I will work hard to pursue my dream before my death.
I promise I will fly to Maldives,Copenhagen and Santorini oneday.
I promise I will FLY higher and HIGHER althought it is not easy...

T-junction

I'm at T-junction now.
I completely don't have any idea for
where I want to study.
Utar provides English degree
and I can get full scholarship for foundation.
It's the cheapest and fastest way if I study in utar
but many said graduates from utar can't
get a job that they want.

Before that,I plan to study in Form 6
and continue my degree in Singapore.
I want to change to Arts Stream
but I don't have any basic in Accountancy
and Business.
I'm lazy to go for tuition and tired to study so hard.
What a boring school life!
I'm afraid I can't get good result in STPM
and cannot enrol in both local public or private universities.
I'm scared I will watse the time and money.
Yesterday,my mum told me that Singapore doesn't
accept Form 6 Arts students.Fuck!!!
Should I study foundation in Arts if I want
to study English degree?

UCSI provides the course I want
but I don't know whether its foundation
is accredited by MQA.
Maybe I should study in Form 6
and continue my degree in UCSI.
Aihh,need to spend money again!
I don't really want to give any burdens to my dad.
I hope he can stay here and doesn't go back to Germany again.

Utar?Form 6?
Which one I should choose?
Can't life be as easy as ABC?
Can anyone help me?

I hope I can make my decision as soon as possible
without regretting.
I don't want to spoil my life.
I need hope,bravery and luck.

Special freinds ^_^

Yesterday,I went to Jusco

with my friends from tuition.

They were Swee Yeng,Ah Khei and Katie.

I studied in the same kindergarten
with Swee Yeng and Katie
but we had lost contact until I met them
in the tuition centre.
I was one of the customer of Khei's mother
(she's a hair stylist) and we also met each other
in that tuition centre.
We live in the same area but studied in different schools
and we are good friends until now.

Sometimes,I felt relaxing when I talked to them
if I compared them with my friends from school.
There was no rat race among us
and there were endless topics for our conversation.
I like them very much.
Their characters are "cute".
We learn,laugh
and...even scream together.

Yesterday,we went to Jusco.
(Why do I mention again?)
We watched "Red Riding Hood".
It was really interesting
and it was shocking when we found out
the actual villain was not the one we thought.
It was worth to watch it.
Highly recommend ...
We also ate sushi inside the cinema.
Shh!This was our secret.
After that,we went for window shopping
and had our lunch in Pizza Hut.

It was quite a good day.
Before that,I was unhappy and confusing
when I considered where to study.
However,I was happy with this outing.

It's not easy to meet good friends nowadays.
Everyone is selfish and unfaithful.
I appreciate our friendship.
Friendship forever^_^
xoxo
Haha...

JPA interview

Yesterday,I went to Veledrom
for the JPA interview.
It was quite a special experience.
Actually,I didn't have high expectation
to get the scholarship as
I was not as multi-talented as others.
They were many candidates who
were more eligible.
I just went there to gain experience.

Before that,I could not find suitable attire
for the interview.
Some told me to wear baju kurung.
Baju kurung?
Honestly,I didn't have any Malay or Indian friends.
Luckily,Cousin Wai lent me her baju kurung
but I didn't wear it eventually
as it was too long for me.
It was also weird when I wore it.
I finally wore a shirt with long sleeves and collar
and a long pants.
It was my first time to wear a pair of high heels.

During the interview,
I was very nervous.
My group only consisted of 3 people.
(Actually,every group must consist of 5 people.)
We all are Chinese
and I am the only girl.
I wondered whether the other boys received English education
as they could speak fluent English.
One of the boy looked smart but he kept on nodding
when others were sharing their opinions
as if he really agreed with what we said.
Did he really need to act like that or did
he actually really agree with our ideas?

The panel of judges was made up of
Chinese,Malay and Indian.
Satu Malaysia~
I didn't understand what they asked
and simply answered them.
I thought they only asked about myself
but they also asked me about your opinion
for the current issue.
"Why do you think the newspaper is better
than internet though it can transfer information
faster than the newspaper?"
Alamak!
I had completely no idea about it!
I then simply told them that
the newspaper gives the correct information.
There are many rumours appeared in the internet
and there are still people who
don't have internet service at home.
I was wondering why they asked us such
difficult questions as my friends were asked
about their favourite food,durian etc.
Is it because there was no Malay in our group?
Is it because hard questions were for those canditates
who chose to study abroad?

Never mind.
I have tried my best and I don't care
whether I can get the scholarship.
I really appreciate to have this opportunity
to attend the interview.
At least,I gain some useful experiences.
I know I have to improve my thinking,
speaking skills and of course my English.
Thank for those who have helped me.
Thank all my family members,Yuan ling,
Swee Yeng,Swee Ann,Lpk,Cousin wai,aunt...

The next thing I need to do is
to decide which university or college I should enroll in.
I hope I can make a wise decision soon.

Confusing...

I finally got good result in SPM.
Yup,I am happy and satisfied
but confused about my future right now.

I can get full scholarship in UTAR
but I'm afraid that the college is not good enough
like what others said--the graduates there
are less employable.

I also don't know wheather I should
go to UCSI.
Last time,I really hoped to go to Nottingham
but I found out the fee is extremely high.

Before that,I thought I really wanted to
leave home.
I get the chance now
but I hesitate for a long while.
I realize that I'll be homesick
if I am away from home.
I love my family members very much
and they love me,too.
I'll miss my grandma,grandpa,
dad,aunt and of course
my two sis though they are sometimes bossy.
I'll miss my best friend,too.
As you know,I'm hot-tempered
and I don't think I can find someone
who can listen to my grumble whole-heartedly.

My sis kept on asking me to
stay here to study in Form6
but I'm worried I can't get good result in STPM
and waste the 2yrs time.
Many say the teachers in RPS are lossy and
I don't know wheather I should transfer to
St.Michael or ACS as both are far from my house.
I denitely don't go to Sam Tet
as I want to change to Arts stream
so that I can study English or Media Studies in my future.
My sis also said I can teach tuition here
to earn some savings before I go to
the city to pursue my dream.
I know she needs my help.
Everyone is selfish and I understand it.
I just wonder whether it is worth to sacrifice myself.
Am I just useful for temporary?

I get the opportunity to attend the interview
for JPA scholarship.
I just simply picked "pelancongan" for oversea
and "sastera" for local.
I'm eligible for the oversea part
but it needs the interview.
I don't really want to choose "pelancongan"
as there are no courses that I want.
I just want the "sastera" but...

Ahh,I really don't know what I should do now!!!